A stuffed cat performing a dogeza in front of me… What’s going on? This was supposed to be the moment where I’d cry over losing some money, but it feels more like I’m being made fun of—especially since she’s in a costume.
[Err, please raise your head. For now, could you show me what products you have…?]
[Ah, but before that, do you mind?]
[…Eh?]
[Could you stop talking to me like we’re equals? I’m the clerk, you’re the customer. If the customer uses honorifics, my super sales talk might just explode.]
[………………]
If it’s going to explode under such limited conditions, I don’t think you can call it super at all. Also, that half-baked way of speaking—you’re calling that honorifics? No, I’m not that great with honorifics myself, but I can tell there’s something off about her interpretation of it.
But well, no matter how you look at her, she’s clearly a weirdo, so I think it’s best to keep my distance by using honorifics. Still, it’s probably more important to finish this conversation quickly so I can get out of here as soon as possible.
[Alright. This will do, right?]
[…That’s okay~. I can sense a want-to-go-home-as-soon-as-possible aura, but… I’m a merchant, so it’s my duty to release your want-to-buy aura!]
Suddenly looking energized, the shopkeeper in a costume jumped to her feet.
How should I put this… It’s just that this ridiculous costume of hers is ruining everything in every possible way… Seriously, what is up with this person?
[Hwwaahh!? This blazing gaze! I see… So that’s how it is, huh… That passionate gaze of yours must mean you’re interested in me!!!]
[……Huh?]
[I understand. I can see why… In front of the beautiful me, it’s only natural for someone to open their eyes and awaken their inner, hot, burning, seething manly desires!]
[………………]
What the heck is this person talking about now? I feel like I can’t even keep a straight face in front of her.
She’s probably wearing a smug smile inside that stuffed costume of hers, but all I can see is a pervert in a stuffed costume, a self-proclaimed beauty with disgusting behavior.
But, without caring at all about my reaction, the shopkeeper kept going.
[Alright! Then, as a merchant, let’s settle it this way. You buy three of my products, and I’ll tell you my three sizes!]
[No thanks.]
[An immediate reply!? C-Can’t you at least look embarrassed or something!?]
Unfortunately, your proposal doesn’t appeal to me at all.
She would definitely just tell me the three sizes of that stuffed animal she’s wearing, right? She’d probably just say 100, 100, 100 or something like that…
[T-Then, how about this!? You buy five of my products, and I’ll have dinner with you—your treat!]
[Please excuse me from that.]
[A denial that sounds like begging!?]
Dinner with a pervert in a costume? That’s just a punishment game. Plus, even if she’s trying to casually say she’ll let us buy her a meal, it’s probably just because she wants us to buy her a meal!
However, if I tell such a dangerous-looking pervert the real reason, I don’t know what she’ll do, so I’ll keep it as indirect as possible…
[I mean, having dinner with someone whose name I don’t even know…]
[Ah, come to think of it, we haven’t introduced ourselves yet! Of course, everyone would be bothered not knowing the name of this pretty, beautiful me!]
[…No, not really.]
[As for me, let’s see… You can just call me Alice, the beauty wrapped in mystery!]
[You sure you don’t want me to call you the Cheshire Cat instead?]
[Who the heck is the cat!? For a beauty like me to be treated like a cat, what are you trying to say?]
[……………….]
Haha, this guy’s amazing. One incredible pain in the ass.
Honestly, this might be the first time I’ve felt like punching someone I just met…
Also, doesn’t she know the fairy tales from Earth? I guess not everything gets passed down by the previous Heroes.
[A-Arehh? It kinda feels like someone’s looking at me like they want to kill me… T-That gaze must be… right? Just gazes of embarrassment?]
[……My name is Miyama Kaito, nice to meet you… Also, can I punch you once?]
[It sounds like there’s something frightening added to your self-introduction, though!? I-I can call you Kaito-san, right~? Well~ Your cool face really suits your fantastic name, just looking at you makes my heart skip a beat… That’s why, um, err, please put those clenched fists of yours away…]
It seems like my fists were clenched without me even realizing it, as Alice tried to calm me down, her stuffed costume trembling slightly.
Still, it kind of feels like I’m being made fun of… No, no, I won’t let myself be dragged along by her pace.
[Haahhh… Once again, nice to meet you.]
[It’s nice to meet you too~~!]
Letting out a big sigh, I regained my composure and extended my hand to shake hers.
Alice also reached out her hand—the large hand of the stuffed costume—and gripped mine.
Then, out of nowhere, a sound like breaking glass echoed—before the stuffed costume suddenly burst open.
[……Eh?] [……Huh?]
[……Eh?]
[……Huh?]
When the costume tore open, what appeared was… dashing, wavy long blonde hair, and beautiful blue eyes that resembled fine sapphires. A stunning girl, who could easily be mistaken for a bisque doll, stood there, wearing clothes that looked patched up with numerous pockets.
[Ah, eh? W-Why did my Magic break… Awawawawawawa!?]
The young girl… Alice mumbled dumbfoundedly as she continued to stare at me. Immediately after, as if a loud explosion had gone off, her face turned bright red.
[Hyyyyyaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!?]
[!?]
Alice, her face turning as red as a boiled octopus, immediately screamed and dashed toward the counter with terrifying speed. Then, she began rummaging through the counter, and after a moment, she pulled out a white mask… I think it’s called an opera mask? Anyway, she grabbed a mask that covered her face above her nose, quickly putting it on and letting out a sigh of relief.
[……E-Errr……]
[I-I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s been so long since I’ve talked to someone face to face… I couldn’t speak properly without it…]
[……And you’re okay with that mask?]
[Yes, as long as half my face is covered.]
It seems that Alice is extremely embarrassed about not having her face covered and couldn’t speak properly without something to conceal it.
That’s why she was wearing that costume earlier… Well, it doesn’t seem like she really needed to wear that stuffed costume, but I’ll leave that alone for now.
[Anyway… What on earth are you doing, Kaito-san!? From which outlandish kingdom are you, stripping a girl in the middle of the day like this!?]
[N-No, I don’t even know what just happened… or rather, don’t describe it in a way that would cause misunderstandings! You were just stripped of your stuffed costume!]
[No, no! I still feel so tainted! So tainted, I can’t become a bride anymore!!!]
With the opera mask on, Alice returned to her previous state and began throwing raging flames everywhere.
However, it almost feels like a false accusation, because I have no idea why her stuffed costume exploded just from being touched.
Still, the fact that the stuffed animal turned into this young girl, along with that scream I heard earlier, makes me feel a bit guilty.
[……I’ll buy five items.]
[How about a bit more? If you want, I could even open up my chest area for a little bit… ]
Upon hearing my mutters after I gave up, Alice’s eyes immediately sparkled.
…We’ve only just met, but I think I already have a sense of how to deal with her. How should I put it… Her attitude is refreshingly straightforward.
Here’s a refined version of the text, keeping the same tone:
Dear Mom, Dad—Alice is a pain in the ass, coercive, and an easily embarrassed miser. In short—she was quite the weirdo.
T/N: 5/11. Last Bonus Chapter for the day.